Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
