You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
