tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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