Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
