I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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