At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Shame - the story of my life.
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