Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
