Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize