remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
