I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
