nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Screwed.edu
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
