i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
