So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
