Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
