I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
whose parrot is this?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
