I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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