This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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