I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize