Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
