Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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