pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
