i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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