so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
