This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
