Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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