Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
