I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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