Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
