just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
