No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
