I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's never too late to be topless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize