Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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