My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
