I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize