I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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