Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
