i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
