everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
