yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
