You can't motorboat a personality
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
