Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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