Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
