Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
