Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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