party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
