I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
