You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
