Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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