Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
