Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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