and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
