I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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