Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
