the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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