When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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