Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
