Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
