His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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