i don't like sucking hair
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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