Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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