Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
