8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
