She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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