I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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