so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
