he was CRYING into my vagina
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
