Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
