I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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