A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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