Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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