I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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