Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
