so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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