Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
